idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
