in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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