I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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