so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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