Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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