I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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