im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
