Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
