1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
