plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
did i walk over a car last night?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
