i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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