Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
