The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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