I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
