i wish there were pregnant emoticons
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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