i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
