how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Even the bartender felt bad for me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
