I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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