whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
