I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Two words: nipple clamps
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