her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he thought i was a dude.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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