he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
