Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
