I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
