I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
