between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
