Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
