Don't you send me to vm
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think my vagina is haunted
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
