There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i think i just lost a toe
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