i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
third nipple confirmed
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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