id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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