i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have already put on my inside pants.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
