all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
