I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
