i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
