i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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