if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So here I am, sexting at work.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
