So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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