you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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