wrigley field is MILF paradise
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
