Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
