theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
