I heard we made out
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
