I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
