I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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