She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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