can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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