I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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