he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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