The maid of honor just puked.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oh god the rape fog is back!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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