Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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