There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
