I CAN MOONWALK!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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