I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
