WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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