if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
