I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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