i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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