she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
