Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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