Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
