i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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