double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
