I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
