dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
