as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
