THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
