Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
