I feel like I'm in dance class right now
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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