oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Where is the hickey?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
