My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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