can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
