shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
