I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
