If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
