pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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